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| Sister Crandall's Polynesian Display |
Sometimes I share about
investigators, other times I share more about experiences I'm having,
and then sometimes I have just learned so much stuff in one week that I
have to focus on that! So here's a quick update on my investigators and
then I'll move on to what I've been learning!:)
Juan
(Cuban) is great and has begun reading the LdM! He loves it! He needs
to get a wrist surgery which is really scary for him because he'll be
out of work for a while. It was a work-related accident so he's hoping
they'll help him out.
We had to drop Maria, the
one with the BYU sticker. And with the daughter that just adored us. It
was really hard, but they "friend-zoned" us. They started attending
church with their roommates. They said that they wanted us to keep
coming back so we could have Gospel discussions where they could also
share what they're learning in their church. It sounds nice and all, but
we're full time missionaries and that won't help us accomplish our
purpose. Hermana Sprunt and I were super nervous, but they seemed to
accept it okay. This was the first time I've ever had to drop an
investigator like that. Normally they start avoiding us or miss
appointments or tell us they don't want us back.
Kelly
is still coming to church, and we had the baptism talk with her mom.
She said no for right now, but that we can keep teaching her. We helped
her understand that we'll teach Kelly and prepare her so that she can
make her own choice. The mom seemed to like that and then fed us
delicious coconut chicken. (That's how you can tell if a Hispanic woman
likes you!)
Osmin is new-ish. He doesn't say
much and we weren't sure how much he was understanding. He's unemployed,
doesn't have a car, doesn't have a phone, and lives with a few friends.
We told him to meet us at McDonalds (within walking distance) at noon on Saturday.
It was kind of like a test to see if he really was interested. And he
came!:) We taught him the Word of Wisdom. He needs a lot of help, but he
seems genuinely interested in changing! And because he doesn't work, we
see him about 4 or 5 times a week!
*Okay so here's what I've been learning. And it's kind of tied into an experience:
President
Wilson told me in August that I would be Hermana Training Leader soon. I
was really expecting and hoping for it to happen this upcoming
transfer, since after this next transfer all of the Hermanas older than
me will go home. But I also knew that I was in the middle of training
Hermana Sprunt. But I thought that last transfer too when I was with
Hermana Quinones. Anyway, I had a dream that I wouldn't get the call,
but another Hermana serving in Henrico would. I was very nervous all day
Saturday because I knew it was going to happen that way and I didn't want to feel disappointed. And it happened exactly like my dream.
I
felt very disappointed in myself. I really don't trust my emotions. In
my head I knew that it was perfectly okay because I love love love
Hermana Sprunt and I made a two transfer commitment to train her. That
and it's just another assignment, being HTL wouldn't make me any
different than who I am now. And I know I'll have opportunities to serve
in the future. But I still just felt bad.
The
next morning I read in 2 Nefi 31, which is my favorite chapter in the
Book of Mormon. I love at the very beginning where it explains that God
speaks to us in a way that we can understand. He has always given me
revelation through thoughts, not through feelings. I think it's
partially because of my depression, because I can't always trust my
feelings. In my head, I know that everything's okay, but yet I still
feel icky.
Anyway, I read on about repentance
and baptism. Then I started to question my worthiness. Satan was trying
to manipulate my feelings.
I was an ornery and
annoying teenage girl. I didn't have great friends, I didn't make all
of the right choices, but I think I turned out alright. However, for so
long I've felt that somehow I couldn't be as great as others because of
mistakes I've made in the past. I've felt like my Patriarchal Blessing
was only so-so because I was a so-so person. I've felt that I could
never reach perfection because I had further to go than everyone else. I
have always compared myself to my three sisters in this regard. All
three of them were very obedient to my parents, always did what was
right, and never made any serious mistakes. I felt like everyone would
always think of me as the misfit, imperfect, out-of-line Crandall
daughter and I would spend the rest of my life trying to live up to them
and everyone else around me. (Or at least that's how I saw/see the
world.)
To be completely honest, I felt like I
wasn't chosen to be HTL because I'm not a good enough missionary. I
really struggled with companions during my 4th and 5th transfer, so I
thought maybe President Wilson could only remember that.
I felt prompted to read a BYU devotional talk by Elder Holland called "Remember Lot's Wife."
It
says, "When something is over and done with, when it has been repented
of as fully as it can be repented of, when life has moved on as it
should and a lot of other wonderfully good things have happened since
then, it is NOT right to go back and open up some ancient wound that the
Son of God Himself died trying to heal."
I
definitely feel like a lot of wonderfully good things have happened on
my mission. It wouldn't have been possible if I wasn't worthy to be
here.
He also said, "Dismiss the destructive
and keep dismissing it until the beauty of the Atonement of Christ has
revealed to you your bright future and the bright future of your family
and your friends and your neighbors. God doesn't care nearly as much
about where you have been as He does about where you are and, with His
help, where you are willing to go."
"Faith is
for the future. Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there.
Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us and that
Christ truly is the high priest of good things to come."
After
reading this talk I felt so much comfort and peace that my Heavenly
Father loves me. He has already forgotten and I need to move on and let
it go. It might seem silly to all of you, but I just needed a simple
reminder that God needs me here for a reason:) I really love Henrico and
my companion and I'm really excited to keep working with the
investigators here. I just need lots of reminders that He loves me
because I think I forget that way too often. I feel a lot better because
I feel like I know now what it is that makes me feel depressed. I feel
like I understand myself a whole lot better.
Anyway, sorry that was super dramatic I promise I'm normally very level headed and everything is just fine;)
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| Sister Brunt's Peruvian Display |
Attached are some pics from our branch "Noche de Las Naciones!" It was basically
a contest between Guatemala and Ecuador. Hermana Sprunt made some yummy
papa a la huancaina! (Her mom is Peruvian.) And I made a little "Islas"
table... see above!:)
Love you all soooo much! Thank you for letting me share my deepest feelings with you;)
Hermanita Crandall
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